When people told me that I was about to embark on a life changing adventure that would 'alter my perspectives' and 'open me up to new and exciting things', it was very easy to let their opinions go in one ear and out the other. All I could focus on was that fact that I was leaving my comfortable life, my family, boyfriend and friends to dive head first into a culture that I did not understand and a lifestyle that I had never experienced before. It would have been an understatement to say that I was scared out of my mind.
After graduating in the summer of 2012, I spent the next five months in a post-university slump. I attempted to work through a tumultuous cocktail of depression, excitement and nausea, as I reluctantly prepared myself to abandon my "happy" life in England and fly ten thousand miles away to the other side of the world. I was heavily in denial for a large portion of this time and tried to push the impending flight date to the darkest corner of my disheveled mind...until about a month before my departure. I had worked myself into the ground. An exhausting combination of juggling three part time jobs, travelling to London most weekends and spending every other spare moment worrying myself sick, had lead to a nasty bout of tonsillitis and an unhealthy reliance on pain killers to get me to sleep at night. I broke down and felt absolutely pathetic for being in this ridiculous, self-indulgent state. I had completely lost sight of the reasons why I had chosen to go to Fiji in the first place.
I had applied for the placement eighteen months previously, when I had been in a very similar state of uncertainty and unhappiness, craving a new beginning and a fresh perspective. A couple of months after accepting the placement, I gradually became my old self again. I was happier, I was studying harder and somewhere along the line I had fallen in love. I was starting to plan my future. But it was a future that would have to be put on hold for seven months...a future that I wasn't sure would still be a certainty upon my return the following year. The biggest excitement in my life had suddenly become the biggest interference to my happiness.
My family and friends were incredibly supportive. They advised me to step out of my head and focus on the positive reasons for going; I would be teaching young children valuable things that would help them for life, I would be a part of a totally different culture that would inevitably help me appreciate the small things, and I would become increasingly independent and more certain of who I was and what I wanted. So with that in mind, I gave myself a stern talking to and decided not to give up. Instead, I convinced myself (a mere week before leaving - better late than never) that I was going to stick to the plan I had excitedly committed to a year and a half before and I was going to bloody well make the most of the opportunity. So I woke up on the morning of January 14th with a fresh face, nervously said my goodbyes, heaved my bag up to the check-in desk at Heathrow airport and boarded the plane. I landed in Nadi International, Fiji on the morning of Wednesday, 16th January 2013.
The first few months were an absolute blur of laughter, tears, faces, names, mud, bugs and cold showers. I struggled, as anyone would, to adapt to the hugely different way of living; cold showers, no electricity, unreliable phone network, no internet, strange foods, the language barrier and my constant craving for chocolate. But gradually I grew to love every single moment of it. Over the months my confidence soared as I travelled a lot around the country. I saw the paradise that I could only dream about before - the pure white beaches, the bending coconut trees, the natural waterfalls cascading into the ocean - the "real" Fiji. I also experienced the Western side of it - the clubs, the cinemas, the tourist traps, the McDonald's (that was a good day). I began to be more opinionated about how to get the best out of the children at school. I forged close relationships with the teachers, villagers and the beautiful students I had the pleasure to teach. I enjoyed the random conversations with strangers at the bus stop. And as my mind became used to the people around me and my friendships solidified, I felt every part of me grow and change and develop until I was completely happy again. I felt like I had rediscovered the person I had left behind years before. My priorities changed drastically, I began to appreciate the smallest things in life and I always carried a grin on my face. I learnt to love and cherish important moments. I actually started to take on the Fijian attitude to life; love everyone as if they were family, live deliberately and generously, move slowly and calmly, and always have a positive mindset.
It was the people who cared for me that I have to thank for this gradual change in my attitude. One person in particular helped me to see what I really want out of life and is still, even now, teaching me invaluable lessons in love, life and faith that will stay with me forever.
A lot has changed since that long-awaited Monday in January when I nervously walked down the ramp onto the plane. My boyfriend and I gradually grew apart, largely due to my own outlook on life, although we are still friends. I am on a completely different path career-wise and I never find myself feeling stressed about life's inconsequential obstacles, which is incredibly refreshing. I am undeniably too relaxed for the Western world and I'm sure I am giving my mother a cracking headache but I'll get there in my own time. I can honestly and truthfully say that for the first time in a very very long time, I am completely and perfectly happy.
It was unquestionably the best decision I have made in my twenty two years and I would encourage anyone stuck (or unstuck) in their lives to try taking themselves out of their comfort zone for a while. Meet new people, push yourself further than ever before and soak in a different lifestyle. You will come across things you never thought you would find and meet people that will love you and help you more than you ever thought a person was capable or willing. It will be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.
What's my next move? Well, I'm going back to Fiji in October. And I will be making plans in the near future to stay there permanently. Never thought I'd be saying that a year ago...
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